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“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”
— Pema Chödrön
If you listen to the news on a regular basis you know that there are many scary things happening in the world and many changes in process. Depending on your world view, these things may feel distant and unimportant to you, or they may have a huge effect on your anxiety level and how you face each day. You may feel a heightened sense of dread and foreboding. Add your own personal troubles to the rest of the overwhelming events and maybe you walk around in a state of fear, feeling as though you are carrying a large weight. When you try to shut the doors to thoughts that disturb you, you may succeed for a time. This is why so many people self-medicate in a variety of ways, or why they indulge in habits that feel good temporarily and that stave off their facing the realities and pain all around them. What happens then, when the floodgates open and the scary realities, the dreaded changes come pouring back into the consciousness?
When we take up abode in the dark corners of life, circumstances may initially push us to be there, but we have the ability to make choices about how long we will stay. Too frequently we choose to stay in such spaces because it is less fearsome to us than the unknown and unexplored. Granted, it can be a real challenge to find hope and opportunity when the world seems enveloped in gloom, doom and terrifying events. It seems easier to keep our minds and hearts closed. It feels safer to resist the growth that happens when we embrace change and when we permit ourselves to be fully human and vulnerable, even if it involves more suffering.
I know someone who lives in subsidized public housing that is undergoing some much-needed renovation. There are a lot of improvements planned that will make life easier for the folks who live there. The city has made arrangements to relocate all of the tenants in his housing project while the work is being done. My friend is someone who normally has many demons to battle. He has had a rough history and his feelings are raw at times. He has a great deal of self-doubt. This change, this forced push out of his less-than-ideal, but safe nest has really thrown things into a state of chaos and fear for him.
Change of any kind is pretty terrifying for most of us. That is why we so often resist it, even when the change is a no-brainer and will ultimately be of benefit. It’s easier to live in a world where things are familiar and secure, to a degree, though perhaps not ideal. Our safe refuge might even contain pain and sadness, but it is a known equation. Few of us get to lead a completely safe and protected life that still enables meaningful connections to others. I am not sure anybody does. Things are constantly changing and life is constantly throwing out new challenges. It is the nature of the universe. You don’t have to be a Buddhist or a scientist to believe that, or to know it for sure.
The reality of life is that sooner or later we will be thrown out of the nest, and the story of what once was, will become a tale you tell yourself in the wee hours of the night to call up memories that are growing faint. The world has changed, but you have not changed and evolved with it. Living in the past may comfort us for brief periods of time. Even when memories are sad, they are still less fearsome than the unknown of opening up our hearts and experiencing the world in a new way. This is also true if we reside in a present that we keep roped off and guarded from the unpredictable. Doing so will only keep us from growing and becoming the people we are meant to be.
I invite you to decide how you want to live and if you are willing to slowly risk opening up your own heart to the power and wisdom that comes from not shielding yourself from life. There will still be bittersweet moments but the joy will surprise you. Are you still napping in the nest? Hang on because the wind is blowing and the branches on which your nest is perched are shaking.
